Most guys would look at a pretty girl and think of her as an object. My desire was to understand her as a person, another human being, an individual. Oh, to have an unbreakable union with someone of the opposite sex such as an understanding of each other from the soul. A genuine exchange of selves. Not of bodies, but of actual selves at a spiritual level. I think that is what bothered me in that sparse restaurant that night. I was sitting across from a boy who had always been that boy for his whole life, with no experience of "her," that is my, body. This was a world of Karen and Jamie as the cutest couple in the school. It wasn't my dream. I think it may be better in some ways, but wasn't my expectation. I had to tell Jamie that we couldn't last. We were probably the ideal couple, but I needed time to adjust. Once I truly accepted this new life and felt the realness that it was most likely permanent, then maybe I could go back to him, but so many things had to be. The sky was becoming overcast. It was disappointing to see that some of the brilliance in the landscape seemed to be fading away into moody patterns of gray.The snow quality was good, so we made very good time as we crossed the lake. Dawn kept checking on me to make sure I was OK. After several hours, we were nearing the portage for the next lake. Once we had traversed that portage, we were on the lake that I had intended to make our home for the night.It was a beautiful stretch of ice, surrounded by high rocky walls. Pine trees covered the high ledges and offered a bit of softening to the ridgeline. One tall pine dwarfed all the others. It appeared to be a sentinel, a guardian to watch over the wilderness around us.I asked Dawn where we should set up our camp. She pointed to an area near shore where we would receive the morning sun. We proceeded to gather some firewood, and then built a nice fire. I unpacked some of the wet clothing, which had frozen into a ball, and placed it near.
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